Trichotillomania: The Inside-Outs of Compulsive Hair Pulling

I recently read this from a practitioner who treats trichotillomania sufferers,

“It is not necessary for you to find or know the cause of your hair pulling.”

Whoa! While this sounds good on the surface, there’s a big problem with it.

Also, if you don’t learn the cause of your pulling, how can you be sure that the problem is solved and you will never pull again? You’ll always be powerless with your trichotillomania and with those whom you rely on to help you stop pulling.

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This coming May, I will have been free of Trichotillomania for 16 years without medication, dietary changes, behavior therapy, hypnosis, supplements of any kind, or any outside intervention. After 27 long and painful years, I found the answers within myself. So can you!

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Addiction and abuse are inseparable.  In any environment where abuse exists, addiction is likely mixed in along with it.  In any environment where there is addiction, there is bound to be some abuse going on just around the corner.  Think about how this plays out in your own world.

Abuse is incredibly contagious.  It is passed from generation to generation.  The experience of abuse creates a deep hole and a lack of belief in the self.  Whether or not you think so, it affects you and me.  Truly, we are all victims and we are all perpetrators because we all respond in our own way to fear and pain, though some of these ways are socially acceptable and others are not.

Abuse is a very personal experience.  Sometimes very sensitive people can experience something as abusive when many others may not consider it so.  So keep in mind that we must remain focused on each person’s personal experience and not necessarily the exact truth of a situation.

What is Abuse?

There is no universally accepted definition of abuse.  I propose that,

The experience of abuse causes a feeling of having been seriously injured at a deep core level regardless of what did or did not occur physically as in sexual abuse, or physical abuse, or verbally, as in verbal or emotional abuse.

As you allow this definition to sink in, remember that a major premise is that it is absolutely possible to heal from this type of core injury.

Relational trauma is when a situation in your child’s life (remembered, or not) caused your child to perceive that her positive relationship with someone she cherished was severed or ripped away against her will, never to return.  Unvalidated relational trauma often goes underground, remains unresolved and turns into a deep wound.

The merciless judgment that you use to control your pulling actually perpetuates your hair pulling.  Surprised?

You are not alone.

Most pullers mistakenly believe that this is what keeps the behavior from going completely out of control.  After 25 years of compulsive hairpulling.  I was not even aware of my mind’s constant judgment of my compulsive behavior.  It was so ingrained, so automatic, that I rarely noticed it going on beneath the surface of my conscious mind.  When I became aware and began to question it, I realized that I had always believed it was this judgment that kept me “in line.”

Toxic Belief:

Merciless judgement and endless guilt are the only way I can stop hair pulling.

Pull-Free, At Last! Antidote:

Because I didn’t understand why I pulled, I mercilessly judged myself for doing it.  Now I know that I had a legitimate reason for pulling.  I am ready to remove my judgment in preparation to release myself for good.

People who feel that they are “different,” “crazy,” “sick, etc., have the tendency (and our society reinforces this) to continually look outside themselves to experts for “real answers.”  The answers are within each of us if we only have the courage to pursue our path of self-discovery.  Doctors and psychologists can guide us.  However, in availing ourselves of their services we must maintain the belief that while we seek advice and support from “experts,” they can play only the role of “personal consultant.”  We are the only true experts regarding our own bodies and our own minds.

We must trust our hearts enough to proceed along our own paths.  If we trust our own inner knowing, we will find what we need next.

Why should you forgive yourself? What did you ever do to warrant forgiveness? Weren’t you the innocent victim of this crazy affliction?

You have a tremendous amount to forgive yourself for. You have the years of secrecy and hiding you’ve put yourself through. You have the fun you’ve missed out on. You have the endless hours of berating yourself for continuing a behavior which you truly saw as repulsive, and the list goes on.