My Trichotillomania Tribe » Hair Pulling Disorder

Understanding Compulsive Hair Pulling

Abby — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 08:31:24 +0000

Trichotillomania: The Inside-Outs of Compulsive Hair Pulling

I recently read this from a practitioner who treats trichotillomania sufferers,

“It is not necessary for you to find or know the cause of your hair pulling.”

Whoa! While this sounds good on the surface, there’s a big problem with it.

Also, if you don’t learn the cause of your pulling, how can you be sure that the problem is solved and you will never pull again? You’ll always be powerless with your trichotillomania and with those whom you rely on to help you stop pulling.

Feeling powerless nearly always leads to more hair pulling. This is why my goal is to empower you by continually providing you with the real inside scoop about trichotillomania. So let’s get started!

It’s crucial to understand that for many, trichotillomania, becomes a best friend. Over time, like many close relationships, it both comforts and wounds. Too often, hair pullers, parents and professionals simply want to get rid of the problem without listening to what is being revealed by trichotillomania.

On average, for my students, compulsive hair pulling meets 50-75 important needs. Here is a very brief list of how trichotillomania meets just one of a hair puller’s most important needs. Unlike many other relationships in a puller’s life, hair pulling:

provides 100% unconditional acceptance.

For those who’ve been pulling for months, hair pulling is a primary relationship, even possibly the primary relationship in the hair puller’s life.

never abandons, always welcomes, never lets the hair puller down and keeps its ‘promises’.

Unlike many of our parents, spouses and even in our self-relationship, when hair pulling promises to help you “zone out”, provide an adrenaline high, or to just shove your uncomfortable feelings into the background, it follows through and delivers.

is the ONE place where many hair pullers feel they can be totally themselves.

It has no uncomfortable or impossible expectations of the hair puller. It only asks for one more pull which feels good and is easy to do.

always pays attention to the hair puller.

Some hair pullers were ‘lost’ children in families with illness, neglect, problems or chaos. Stressed out parents don’t always realize that in the midst of on-going family problems, both parents are in emotional turmoil and a child may feel she’s lost both parents.

makes the intolerable, tolerable.

Many hair pullers are highly-sensitive types who feel trapped in unhappy situations with no way out. We had to find a way survive without going crazy. The important thing to note is that for highly-sensitive hair pullers, pulling makes life tolerable. Please don’t minimize this!

allows the hair puller to feel included in some area of her life.

For the hair pulling child or teen who feels terribly left out of the loop either in the family or with peers, trich can soothe the inner pain and allow the puller to get through today so she can move on to tomorrow.

More on Trichotillomania: the Inside-Outs

Free Yourself from Hair Pulling – You Can Do It!

Abby — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 20:17:19 +0000

This coming May, I will have been free of Trichotillomania for 16 years without medication, dietary changes, behavior therapy, hypnosis, supplements of any kind, or any outside intervention. After 27 long and painful years, I found the answers within myself. So can you!

Did your hair pulling worsen 2009? Will you allow another year to slip by without finding the answers and relief you deserve? Instead of living with hair pulling, take appropriate action to free yourself now. Your efforts will be rewarded!

Here’s my wish for you for you in 2010…

May you stand proud in the wind and the rain. Regardless of the weather, what others think, or what you think others think about you, stand proud and finally acknowledge the truth of who you are. Acknowledge your gifts, your strengths, your power, your generosity, your sensitive and compassionate heart…and release any lies you’ve told yourself about your lack of worth. It simply is not true.

May you end hair pulling in 2010. May you come to deeply know yourself and own your truth in 2010. May you finally see the Glory that is YOU!

Addiction and Abuse

Abby — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 00:30:55 +0000

Addiction and abuse are inseparable. In any environment where abuse exists, addiction is likely mixed in along with it. In any environment where there is addiction, there is bound to be some abuse going on just around the corner. Think about how this plays out in your own world.

Passing Down Abuse To Your Children

Abby — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:36:56 +0000

Abuse is incredibly contagious. It is passed from generation to generation. The experience of abuse creates a deep hole and a lack of belief in the self. Whether or not you think so, it affects you and me. Truly, we are all victims and we are all perpetrators because we all respond in our own way to fear and pain, though some of these ways are socially acceptable and others are not.

Abuse is a very personal experience. Sometimes very sensitive people can experience something as abusive when many others may not consider it so. So keep in mind that we must remain focused on each person’s personal experience and not necessarily the exact truth of a situation.

Abuse Is A Perception

Abby — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 17:29:12 +0000

What is Abuse?

There is no universally accepted definition of abuse. I propose that,

Abuse is a perception that someone with greater power

than yours has stolen your power.

The experience of abuse causes a feeling of having been seriously injured at a deep core level regardless of what did or did not occur physically as in sexual abuse, or physical abuse, or verbally, as in verbal or emotional abuse.

As you allow this definition to sink in, remember that a major premise is that it is absolutely possible to heal from this type of core injury.

Healing happens at the moment she recognizes and

takes back her own power in order to be whole again.

What Is Relational Trauma?

Abby — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 17:25:59 +0000

Relational trauma is when a situation in your child’s life (remembered, or not) caused your child to perceive that her positive relationship with someone she cherished was severed or ripped away against her will, never to return. Unvalidated relational trauma often goes underground, remains unresolved and turns into a deep wound.

Is Your Hair Pulling Under Control?

Abby — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 17:15:56 +0000

The merciless judgment that you use to control your pulling actually perpetuates your hair pulling. Surprised?

You are not alone.

Most pullers mistakenly believe that this is what keeps the behavior from going completely out of control. After 25 years of compulsive hairpulling. I was not even aware of my mind’s constant judgment of my compulsive behavior. It was so ingrained, so automatic, that I rarely noticed it going on beneath the surface of my conscious mind. When I became aware and began to question it, I realized that I had always believed it was this judgment that kept me “in line.”

Legitimate Reason For Pulling?

Abby — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 17:04:59 +0000

Toxic Belief:

Merciless judgement and endless guilt are the only way I can stop hair pulling.

Pull-Free, At Last! Antidote:

Because I didn’t understand why I pulled, I mercilessly judged myself for doing it. Now I know that I had a legitimate reason for pulling. I am ready to remove my judgment in preparation to release myself for good.

What Role Do Outside “Experts” Have In Our Healing?

Abby — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 16:42:57 +0000

People who feel that they are “different,” “crazy,” “sick, etc., have the tendency (and our society reinforces this) to continually look outside themselves to experts for “real answers.” The answers are within each of us if we only have the courage to pursue our path of self-discovery. Doctors and psychologists can guide us. However, in availing ourselves of their services we must maintain the belief that while we seek advice and support from “experts,” they can play only the role of “personal consultant.” We are the only true experts regarding our own bodies and our own minds.

We must trust our hearts enough to proceed along our own paths. If we trust our own inner knowing, we will find what we need next.

Do I Deserve Forgiveness?

Abby — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 18:00:26 +0000

Why should you forgive yourself? What did you ever do to warrant forgiveness? Weren’t you the innocent victim of this crazy affliction?

You have a tremendous amount to forgive yourself for. You have the years of secrecy and hiding you’ve put yourself through. You have the fun you’ve missed out on. You have the endless hours of berating yourself for continuing a behavior which you truly saw as repulsive, and the list goes on.