Trichotillomania: The Inside-Outs of Compulsive Hair Pulling

I recently read this from a practitioner who treats trichotillomania sufferers,

“It is not necessary for you to find or know the cause of your hair pulling.”

Whoa! While this sounds good on the surface, there’s a big problem with it.

Also, if you don’t learn the cause of your pulling, how can you be sure that the problem is solved and you will never pull again? You’ll always be powerless with your trichotillomania and with those whom you rely on to help you stop pulling.

Feeling powerless nearly always leads to more hair pulling. This is why my goal is to empower you by continually providing you with the real inside scoop about trichotillomania. So let’s get started!

It’s crucial to understand that for many, trichotillomania, becomes a best friend. Over time, like many close relationships, it both comforts and wounds. Too often, hair pullers, parents and professionals simply want to get rid of the problem without listening to what is being revealed by trichotillomania.

On average, for my students, compulsive hair pulling meets 50-75 important needs. Here is a very brief list of how trichotillomania meets just one of a hair puller’s most important needs. Unlike many other relationships in a puller’s life, hair pulling:

  • provides 100% unconditional acceptance.

For those who’ve been pulling for months, hair pulling is a primary relationship, even possibly the primary relationship in the hair puller’s life.

  • never abandons, always welcomes, never lets the hair puller down and keeps its ‘promises’.

Unlike many of our parents, spouses and even in our self-relationship, when hair pulling promises to help you “zone out”, provide an adrenaline high, or to just shove your uncomfortable feelings into the background, it follows through and delivers.

  • is the ONE place where many hair pullers feel they can be totally themselves.

It has no uncomfortable or impossible expectations of the hair puller. It only asks for one more pull which feels good and is easy to do.

  • always pays attention to the hair puller.

Some hair pullers were ‘lost’ children in families with illness, neglect, problems or chaos. Stressed out parents don’t always realize that in the midst of on-going family problems, both parents are in emotional turmoil and a child may feel she’s lost both parents.

  • makes the intolerable, tolerable.

Many hair pullers are highly-sensitive types who feel trapped in unhappy situations with no way out. We had to find a way survive without going crazy. The important thing to note is that for highly-sensitive hair pullers, pulling makes life tolerable. Please don’t minimize this!

  • allows the hair puller to feel included in some area of her life.

For the hair pulling child or teen who feels terribly left out of the loop either in the family or with peers, trich can soothe the inner pain and allow the puller to get through today so she can move on to tomorrow.

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