Here are a few of the characteristics of the compulsive hair pulling child’s perspective on the family:

In childhood, we each felt abandoned and on our own without adequate skills or guidance.  We struggled with, now how to thrive, but truly how even to survive.  Our families were chaotic and volatile.  It was difficult to find any sense of peace.  Other family members became angry or upset if we voiced our own needs.  We learned to keep them to ourselves if we recognized a need at all. Hair pulling was a way for us to deal with the chronic anxiety that came from shoving ourselves aside in this way.

Now, more than ever, you may be asking yourself, how is it possible to have any hope at all of ending my child’s hair pulling?  But frankly, hope is just another four-letter word unless it is backed up with a six-letter word, action.  You can have all the hope in the world, but unless, and until, you take action, you and your child will remain exactly right where you are now.

Therefore, I implore you, do not just hope, take action.  You, and only you, are the key to your child’s freedom.

Have you searched relentlessly to find an answer as to why your child pulls her hair out?  Your child may have already endured the associated side effects of many different drugs, behavior therapy sessions and more.  Still, none of it has worked effectively or permanently.

You’re watching years of bald spots, eyebrows or eyelashes come and go.  You’re watching your child struggle and suffer.  You’ve been waiting for medical science to come up with a cure for your child for too long now.

Well, right here, right now, before you try anything else,

I am handing you back your power!

The circumstances of your life, your style of relating to others, your parenting style and your relationship with your spouse/partner has likely contributed to your child’s hair pulling problem.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel.   If you have contributed to your child’s trichotillomania, there is a greal deal that you can do about it.

The merciless judgment that you use to control your pulling actually perpetuates your hair pulling.  Surprised?

You are not alone.

Most pullers mistakenly believe that this is what keeps the behavior from going completely out of control.  After 25 years of compulsive hairpulling.  I was not even aware of my mind’s constant judgment of my compulsive behavior.  It was so ingrained, so automatic, that I rarely noticed it going on beneath the surface of my conscious mind.  When I became aware and began to question it, I realized that I had always believed it was this judgment that kept me “in line.”

Toxic Belief:

Merciless judgement and endless guilt are the only way I can stop hair pulling.

Pull-Free, At Last! Antidote:

Because I didn’t understand why I pulled, I mercilessly judged myself for doing it.  Now I know that I had a legitimate reason for pulling.  I am ready to remove my judgment in preparation to release myself for good.

People who feel that they are “different,” “crazy,” “sick, etc., have the tendency (and our society reinforces this) to continually look outside themselves to experts for “real answers.”  The answers are within each of us if we only have the courage to pursue our path of self-discovery.  Doctors and psychologists can guide us.  However, in availing ourselves of their services we must maintain the belief that while we seek advice and support from “experts,” they can play only the role of “personal consultant.”  We are the only true experts regarding our own bodies and our own minds.

We must trust our hearts enough to proceed along our own paths.  If we trust our own inner knowing, we will find what we need next.

Why should you forgive yourself? What did you ever do to warrant forgiveness? Weren’t you the innocent victim of this crazy affliction?

You have a tremendous amount to forgive yourself for. You have the years of secrecy and hiding you’ve put yourself through. You have the fun you’ve missed out on. You have the endless hours of berating yourself for continuing a behavior which you truly saw as repulsive, and the list goes on.

How long will you continue to feel your guilt and shame for not being perfect?

How long will you mentally beat yourself over the head for not being able to stop your compulsion or addiction as others think you should?

Most of the time you believed the notion that if you were just normal, you would be able to stop this “ridiculous, self-abusive” behavior.  To continue in your personal process of healing you need to first forgive yourself.

Toxic Belief:

I’m a bad person if I can’t or don’t forgive. So I must force myself to do it, which doesn’t feel right and never works. I must conclude that forgiveness is a big load of b.s.

Pull-Free, At Last! Antidote

I can easily achieve Real Forgiveness: a naturally occurring process that comes about by fully honoring (not necessarily acting on, but accepting) my feelings.

There are many books that I recommend you read on your road to recovery. They all have the same crucial message (and probably many more) in common. And that is, “You must be able to imagine yourself to be in the place where you wish to end up.” In this case, you must be able to see yourself beyond hairpulling in order to heal it. I will emphatically state that one more time. To heal, you must be able to see yourself permanently free of pulling out your hair!