I recently read this from a practitioner who treats trichotillomania sufferers,

“It is not necessary for you to find or know the cause of your hair pulling.”

Whoa! While this sounds good on the surface, there’s a big problem with it.

Also, if you don’t learn the cause of your pulling, how can you be sure that the problem is solved and you will never pull again? You’ll always be powerless with your trichotillomania and with those whom you rely on to help you stop pulling.

Feeling powerless nearly always leads to more hair pulling. This is why my goal is to empower you by continually providing you with the real inside scoop about trichotillomania. So let’s get started!

It’s crucial to understand that for many, trichotillomania, becomes a best friend. Over time, like many close relationships, it both comforts and wounds. Too often, hair pullers, parents and professionals simply want to get rid of the problem without listening to what is being revealed by trichotillomania.

On average, for my students, compulsive hair pulling meets 50-75 important needs. Here is a very brief list of how trichotillomania meets just one of a hair puller’s most important needs. Unlike many other relationships in a puller’s life, hair pulling:

• provides 100% unconditional acceptance.

For those who’ve been pulling for months, hair pulling is a primary relationship, even possibly the primary relationship in the hair puller’s life.

• never abandons, always welcomes, never lets the hair puller down and keeps its ‘promises’.

Unlike many of our parents, spouses and even in our self-relationship, when hair pulling promises to help you “zone out”, provide an adrenaline high, or to just shove your uncomfortable feelings into the background, it follows through and delivers.

• is the ONE place where many hair pullers feel they can be totally themselves.

It has no uncomfortable or impossible expectations of the hair puller. It only asks for one more pull which feels good and is easy to do.

• always pays attention to the hair puller.

Some hair pullers were ‘lost’ children in families with illness, neglect, problems or chaos. Stressed out parents don’t always realize that in the midst of on-going family problems, both parents are in emotional turmoil and a child may feel she’s lost both parents.

• makes the intolerable, tolerable.

Many hair pullers are highly-sensitive types who feel trapped in unhappy situations with no way out. We had to find a way survive without going crazy. The important thing to note is that for highly-sensitive hair pullers, pulling makes life tolerable. Please don’t minimize this!

• allows the hair puller to feel included in some area of her life.

For the hair pulling child or teen who feels terribly left out of the loop either in the family or with peers, trich can soothe the inner pain and allow the puller to get through today so she can move on to tomorrow.

More on Trichotillomania: the Inside-Outs

In childhood, we each felt abandoned and on our own without adequate skills or guidance.  We struggled with, now how to thrive, but truly how even to survive.  Our families were chaotic and volatile.  It was difficult to find any sense of peace.  Other family members became angry or upset if we voiced our own needs.  We learned to keep them to ourselves if we recognized a need at all. Hair pulling was a way for us to deal with the chronic anxiety that came from shoving ourselves aside in this way.

You’re watching years of bald spots, eyebrows or eyelashes come and go.  You’re watching your child struggle and suffer.  You’ve been waiting for medical science to come up with a cure for your child for too long now.

Well, right here, right now, before you try anything else,

I am handing you back your power!

The circumstances of your life, your style of relating to others, your parenting style and your relationship with your spouse/partner has likely contributed to your child’s hair pulling problem.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel.   If you have contributed to your child’s trichotillomania, there is a greal deal that you can do about it.

Merciless judgement and endless guilt are the only way I can stop hair pulling.

Pull-Free, At Last! Antidote:

Because I didn’t understand why I pulled, I mercilessly judged myself for doing it.  Now I know that I had a legitimate reason for pulling.  I am ready to remove my judgment in preparation to release myself for good.

The author made a point of stating that the champion’s performance was not based on the content of those thoughts but simply that champions seem to have less thoughts and seem to hold each thought for a longer period of time.

This is an interesting (and controversial) popular notion these days. Is it the “quality” of our thinking that or is it the “quantity” of thoughts that we’re thinking that produces greater results?

How does this relate to your thoughts on hair pulling? Are your thoughts the reason why you pull?

The key to dealing with things or events that cause you stress is not to unnecessarily shield yourself from them, but to be able to remain calm and centered in the face of them.  No one can control life, but hair pulling is a way to attempt to do so.  In other words you’ve become trapped in your own trap; jailed in your own cell.  Now it’s time to release yourself from the cell and to create a safe haven for yourself in the midst of freedom.