There’s no conversation about how to live with trichotillomania for the long-haul. Because for our students that not even an option.

Ever wondered what real support looks like?  Here’s a snippet–only the names have been changed to protect our students’ privacy:

Dear Abby,

I’m writing you this because I feel like I need some reassurance. You see I was online at the university for a few days and I can’t help but be frightened. I want to so badly to stop pulling my hair out but every time I look at the university I get scared. I don’t know why it almost makes me think that I’m scared to live without pulling my hair out. It’s almost as if you’re taking away my security blanket or taking away a table leg and I’m afraid to fall. I’m afraid to be alone all over again because I don’t have anyone here to support me in my decision. I’m afraid that if my secret comes out that people will judge me as people always have and think that I’m a freak and not love me anymore or think of me differently. Did you ever get terrified when you tried to stop pulling?

Trish

Hi Trish,

I hope you will take this whole email and post it in the University so that you can see just how NOT ALONE you are! Ending hair pulling IS terrifying. No one will ever dispute that. It’s the only solid ground many hair pullers have known. So here’s my suggestion–stay in the University and just take your time. Go at your own pace. Get used to everything, the tone and the other women. But DON’T hide out all alone. Decide that you will participate even when you’re scared. It’s the only way for you to finally get the support to heal. Gather up your courage and join us! You have ALOT to offer to the group and we have ALOT to offer you! Many women in this group have been through trauma and abuse and learned how to heal it. It’s your turn AND you can go at your own pace. Come and find out what true support feels like.

Warmly,

Abby Rohrer
Former Hair Puller, healed since 1994

Dear Trish,

HELLO and WELCOME! Thank you for your courage to post your email and to let us know that you are here! How GREAT to have you!

Trish wrote: “I don’t have anyone here to support me in my decision. “

Now you do — you are no longer alone! I don’t know the exact number of the students in the University right now but I know there are many, many of us and we all support and love one another…

“Trish wrote: Did you ever get terrified when you tried to stop pulling?”

Oh yes, numerous times…
As you will soon find out we all have a lot in common and it is not just our hair pulling…

Just a few traits that I believe we all have (including you!) — we are wonderful, courageous, determined, caring, loving and AMAZING group of women who support one another on this journey towards WHOLENESS, HEALING and FREEDOM…!!!

I’m happy you joined us and am looking forward to getting to know you better.

Love,

Kara

Trish!

Trish wrote: “It almost makes me think that I’m scared to live without pulling my hair out.”

Most of us have or still do feel exactly the same way!

Trish wrote: “Its almost as if your taking away my security blanket or taking away a table leg and I’m afraid to fall.”

It IS that way. Hair-pulling is the one thing that has ALWAYS been there for you, right? Your statement resonates with all of us!

Trish wrote: “I’m afraid to be alone all over again because I don’t have anyone here to support me in my decision.”

I felt exactly the same way!! If you stay in this program and join in the University YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN. Before joining this program I had NO ONE to turn to or support me. Now I am part of a WONDERFUL family of women who are ALWAYS there.

Trish wrote: “I’m afraid that if my secret comes out that people will judge me as people always have and think that I’m a freak and not love me anymore or think of me differently.”

Yes, I felt the same way! No one outside this group needs to know about your secret until it is the right time FOR YOU to tell them. You will NEVER find any judgment here.

Trish wrote: “He thinks that I can just stop whenever I want to”

We have all heard that comment! You already know that is not a true statement, right? Otherwise, you would have stopped by now.

Trish wrote: “Did you ever get terrified when you tried to stop pulling?”

YES, YES, YES, YES!!!!!! I was terrified to start this program. TERRIFIED!! I sat with Abby’s book for a whole year before even opening it. I was terrified!

Paula

Trish,

It took a lot of courage for you to follow Abby’s advice and post your email here on the forum. I congratulate you for that. This is your first step towards your healing. We all understand your fear. We have all been there. This University is a very SAFE HAVEN for you and the BEST place for you to be. Like Kara said, you will be amazed at how much you have in common with all of us.

Continue to be courageous! We are all here to support you. Take baby steps and work at your own pace. Abby has done a great thing providing this forum for us. YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN! Please believe that.

I’m so happy to meet you, WECLOME to the program, and I look forward to know you better.

Much Love,

Pat

Dear Trish,

Welcome!

Kara and Paula said it so well. Most of us have had all of these same feelings. Freedom is in expressing your own true inner self, and that is what we are learning. So welcome and don’t ever give up! Good for you, just keep taking those baby steps. Glad you had the courage to begin and tell us your thoughts. You no longer are alone.

Love,

Kathy

Hi Trish! WELCOME!! I second what everyone else said. You are very courageous to post your email and that is a big step for you! The University, all the posts and the lessons can be a little overwhelming at first; I felt the same way. Just take it one step at a time. Just take your time and learn your way around. Each time you do a lesson you will feel more confidence to do the next one. Listen to the audios – they are very important!

And as others have mentioned, we have all felt scared to give up the security and comfort of pulling. But instead of taking away a table leg (I like that analogy!) by the end of the program, trust me, you will end up feeling whole again. Along the journey you will find pieces of yourself that you didn’t even know were missing. You will find your real inner self and when you get there you won’t even remember why you needed to pull! We are all here for you and will help you every step of the way!

Hugs,

Jen

Did your hair pulling worsen 2009? Will you allow another year to slip by without finding the answers and relief you deserve? Instead of living with hair pulling, take appropriate action to free yourself now. Your efforts will be rewarded!

Here’s my wish for you for you in 2010…

May you stand proud in the wind and the rain. Regardless of the weather, what others think, or what you think others think about you, stand proud and finally acknowledge the truth of who you are. Acknowledge your gifts, your strengths, your power, your generosity, your sensitive and compassionate heart…and release any lies you’ve told yourself about your lack of worth. It simply is not true.

May you end hair pulling in 2010. May you come to deeply know yourself and own your truth in 2010. May you finally see the Glory that is YOU!

You are not alone.

Most pullers mistakenly believe that this is what keeps the behavior from going completely out of control.  After 25 years of compulsive hairpulling.  I was not even aware of my mind’s constant judgment of my compulsive behavior.  It was so ingrained, so automatic, that I rarely noticed it going on beneath the surface of my conscious mind.  When I became aware and began to question it, I realized that I had always believed it was this judgment that kept me “in line.”

Merciless judgement and endless guilt are the only way I can stop hair pulling.

Pull-Free, At Last! Antidote:

Because I didn’t understand why I pulled, I mercilessly judged myself for doing it.  Now I know that I had a legitimate reason for pulling.  I am ready to remove my judgment in preparation to release myself for good.

We must trust our hearts enough to proceed along our own paths.  If we trust our own inner knowing, we will find what we need next.

You have a tremendous amount to forgive yourself for. You have the years of secrecy and hiding you’ve put yourself through. You have the fun you’ve missed out on. You have the endless hours of berating yourself for continuing a behavior which you truly saw as repulsive, and the list goes on.

How long will you mentally beat yourself over the head for not being able to stop your compulsion or addiction as others think you should?

Most of the time you believed the notion that if you were just normal, you would be able to stop this “ridiculous, self-abusive” behavior.  To continue in your personal process of healing you need to first forgive yourself.

I’m a bad person if I can’t or don’t forgive. So I must force myself to do it, which doesn’t feel right and never works. I must conclude that forgiveness is a big load of b.s.

Pull-Free, At Last! Antidote

I can easily achieve Real Forgiveness: a naturally occurring process that comes about by fully honoring (not necessarily acting on, but accepting) my feelings.

Connect inside to your feelings.

While you may be connecting with feelings about what others have done to you in the past, never forget that it’s not about what REALLY happened; it’s about YOUR PERCEPTION of what happened, what you began to believe because of it and how you chose to ACT based on that belief.