What Is Relational Trauma?

Abby — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 17:25:59 +0000

Relational trauma is when a situation in your child’s life (remembered, or not) caused your child to perceive that her positive relationship with someone she cherished was severed or ripped away against her will, never to return. Unvalidated relational trauma often goes underground, remains unresolved and turns into a deep wound.

Trichotillomania is a Coping Tool

Abby — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 15:46:40 +0000

Many compulsive hairpullers have experienced a great deal of trauma and use their hair pulling as a way to cope. To read further on this subject, go to my article on trauma and hair pulling.

Ending Trichotillomania, Car Wrecks and Unresolved Trauma

Abby — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 17:53:45 +0000

Since I healed my compulsive hair pulling, I am always on the lookout for other healing opportunities. I was recently going over some notes that I had written in early 2006 and came across one I’d like to share with you now.
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Three weeks ago today, I was sitting at a traffic light minding my own business. I was the third or fourth car in line waiting for the light to change. Then an old man decided to try to drive right through my car.

I was physically banged around a bit and lost a trusty old car that I inherited free and clear in my divorce. I went to the “auto graveyard” to say my last goodbyes on my way to settle up with the insurance company. I’m now on a first-name basis with car salesmen, insurance company employees and my doctor’s “new” assistant who I’d never met though she’s worked there over six months. I have a shiny new Toyota in my garage and a new debt on my books.

Those are the details that everyone knows about an accident such as this. But here’s a bit of the inner stuff that can happen when life unexpectedly changes in under a minute.

There’s the initial shock and a few days later some big anger. Then a deep lack of safety and security. I look over my shoulder each time another car’s shadow passes behind me–I flinch. I want to wear a jacket or sweater all the time, even when I am hot. I think that my fluffy winter jacket saved me from a lot more wear and tear in the accident—at first I wanted to hide in that coat forever.

And there’s trauma–and the indescribable nature of it. This accident has brought up the bottom layers of unresolved trauma left in my life.

Believe it or not, I thank God for this —I’m seeing so many things more clearly and have yet another opportunity to heal old burdens. Each day brings new revelation and a new opportunity for healing. Each night I know I’ve been around a whole sphere of emotion. Tonight there is peace and even joy.

I can’t begin to tell you the worlds of insight and healing that can open to you through an event like this, if you let yourself see the parallels and layers that exist for you. Life always offers us the opportunity to heal, if we’re willing to open to it.

Where are the healing opportunities in your own life right now? What parallels do you see between your present day circumstances and the burdens of your past?

Are you willing to look?

My Trichotillomania Tribe » Unresolved Trauma

What Is Relational Trauma?

Trichotillomania is a Coping Tool

Ending Trichotillomania, Car Wrecks and Unresolved Trauma