When trying to end trichotillomania, sometimes the healing process offers us the opportunity to walk through an invisible door into our future. The only problem is that by walking through this door it closes, even locks behind us. We cannot go back to the safety of the past. The future lies ahead, its path uncharted. There may be vast waves of grief and anger over what has been left behind. There may be fear or disorientation. We must regain our equilibrium. We may not remember the moment we made the choice to go through the doorway into greater freedom or why we chose it. But choose it we did and now we must continue forward into our healing, into a more expanded life.

I have had this experience a number of times in the last 14 years. Sometimes the doorways are small but a few times they have been very big. Just recently I walked through the biggest one yet and it reminded me of the first time I consciously stepped through one, a scant six months before healing my compulsive hair pulling back in May of 1994.

These doorways feel a bit like a fold in the fabric of the Universe. When you step over the edge onto the other side it’s an easy glide. Then the fabric suddenly smooths itself out and you are eons beyond where you stood just moments before–in completely unfamiliar territory.

Art is a healing tool that is useful when we find ourselves in an unknown place. I teach my students with compulsive behaviors just how to make these maps to give them a bridge to their freer futures. This weekend I’m going to paint myself a new map to ease my own way forward. I’ll let you know how it goes.